What is abuse?
Abuse can take many forms:
Why do kids abuse?
Pre-teens and teenagers often feel a lack of control over thier own lives, decisions are made for them by parents, teachers, principles, counslers, coaches, and every other adult they come into contact with. One realm they feel they have control over is a personal relationship, and they may seek to push the limit of that control, thereby creating an abusive relationship.
Technology today makes it even easier to monitor one’s partner through text messaging, instant messaging, myspace, facebook, twitter, and e-mail. Unintentional smothering through these mediums is abuse.
How does abuse effect kids?
Abusers do not experience true love. Love cannot be experienced in a relationship built on power and control. The longer someone is an abuser the further connected they are able to be with their partner.
On the other hand if a boy or girl is on the receiving end of the abuse they will experience low self-esteem as well as physical and emotional pain. In both cases a kid’s early relationships create the model their future relationships, the worse case senario being that they see an abusive relationship as normal.
Would my kid tell me if
they are in an abusive
relationship?
They may not because they are..
- afraid you will make them break up
- embarrassed and ashamed
- afraid of getting hurt by their partner
- convinced that it is their fault
- that you will blame them or be disappointed
- confused—they may think this is what dating is all about
- afraid of losing privileges like being able to stay out late
Kids may also not be able to recognize if they are in an abusive relationship, especially if it is their first relationahip
Your kids have started dating ...now what? Take a deep breath because it’s going to be alright.
Make sure to tell them about all the things you wish you had known at thier age and prepare them for making good decisions so that they can have healthy relationships now, and always.